Saturday, August 15, 2020

May Recap

I originally started this post in June but never got a chance to finish it until now because things with my mom took a terrible turn for the worse. I am just now finishing it and hope to catch up on June and July soon. 

Hope that the sun is shining where you are and you are enjoying the start of summer. We have already been blessed with even more Sunflowers than we had last year. It is a sight to be seen. I will share photos next month when there are more in bloom. This piece was made using a tutorial from Teela Cunningham on Youtube. 
May started out with my mom getting her stimulus check and also getting one for my dad. I have no idea why that happened since he had passed. We finally figured out that we had to send his back. The properties were still not up for sale.  I was worried about what else lie ahead after that, Never did I image it would get as bad as it did.
 I was suppose to take mom to the rheumetologist to get the fluid drained from her elbow the middle of the month. We had been holding off because of the Covid and not feeling it was safe to take her anywhere. We finally thought it was safe to go but a week before that she had bumped it again and a hematoma formed under the skin. It ended up breaking open. I thought we had it under control because it formed a scab.  The morning of the appointment the scab had come off and she was bleeding so much it looked like a crime scene when I got there. I ended up calling 911. Thankfully they were able to get it stopped and she didn't have to go to a hospital. That was the last place I wanted to take her but her provider was not coming to see patients, the best they could do was set up home health but that would take time so I ended up calling Dispatch Health. Thankfully they came pretty quickly. They were able to put a stitch in it to try and get her through the rest of the day and night until home health came. She made it through the night but it was bleeding through again the next day. The home health said there was nothing they could do and she had to go to the ER. That was the last place I wanted to take her but we really had no choice. We decided to go to Rose that was a big mistake because they would not let me in with her even though I told them I was her POA and she had Dementia. I had no choice but to leave her, I made sure to tell them they had to call me when she saw the doctor though especially if they wanted the right information. I got a call a little while later saying she wanted me to come get her and she was still in the waiting room. I told them they had to get her back to a room before she left. I had to call and demand that someone do it and they finally got her back. 2 1/2 hours later they called and said she was ready to go home. No call before that. I was livid. I finally got the doctor on the phone that treated her and they said all they did was drain it and gave her a prescription for antibiotic. I told them she was already one and they would have known that if they had bothered to call. The said it was not bleeding anymore and she would be waiting when I got there. It was still bleeding when I got her home. I rewrapped it then left to go get some dinner while I was out she unwrapped it again. I was not happy about it and told her so. When I checked on her through the camera she was trying to re wrap it herself. I got my BIL to go up and help her. Thankfully she made it through the night. The next morning she was not doing well. It looked terrible. I had to call Dispatch Health back, They said I had to take her to another hospital. We decided to go to Porters this time because they would let me in with her and that is where she went to save her leg 7 years ago when Rose messed up the last time. After hours in the ER they finally admitted her. She was septic by that time. It felt like Sepsis 2.0 all over again. She did okay that night but the next night she want crazy. They had to put her in something called a Posy Bed to contain her. I was going to go over there and see if I could help calm her down but they said I was part of her hallucinations and she was mad at me. They finally got her to calm down and gave her some Melatonin. Thankfully she was better the next day. I really liked the hospitalist but hated the case worker. She was pushing to send her to rehab and tried to make me feel guilty for not being with her 24/7. They moved her to a different floor and she got another doctor after that who didn't even call me and keep me updated then they started to try and take her rights away from her and were pushing for inpatient rehab again. We told them no. The doctor I liked finally came back and agreed to send her home with home health and me doing the IV antibiotics and wound care. I had no idea what I was getting myself into though. When I saw the box of supplies I totally freaked out. I didn't think I could do it. I just wanted to crawl up into a ball and make it all stop. I started rethinking my decision not to send her to rehab but decided I needed to at least try it, The home health nurse tuned out to be a real bitch while trying to teach me how to do it and it took everything I had not to let her have it. I got through it though. They would not give us a CNA to help her take a shower so I had to find someone to help with that and pay out of pocket. I found someone on Nextdoor and she was a big help.  
More problems after that.  Moms home phone stopped working. It took over a week to get it fixed. We had to go and buy her a prepaid cell phone in the meantime so she would have a way to call us. It took a while for her to get use it and not turn it off. She also got scammed  into signing papers for a new roof. She was starting to become very confused again and decided to go and sit out front for some reason when I told her multiple times not to leave the house. A  roofing guy saw her sitting out there and got her to sign for a new roof. I only found out about it because I saw the contract on the kitchen table while I was there. He had come back to talk to her and I was still there. I let him have it. I asked him who he thought he was taking advantage of the elderly like that. I think I scared the crap out of him I didn't care though needless to say he never go the work.  Her sewer line also backed up after that. If it was not one thing is was another. I continued to do the antibiotics everyday. It was not that difficult to do once I got use to it but it was still very time consuming and breaking up a big part of my day. I was hoping once we got through the antibiotics things would be better but unfortunately that did not happen. More about that next month.  

I was still trying to keep up with my Etsy shop through all of this. It was hard to get work done and take care of all her needs too but I managed somehow. I didn't really make anything new but got this great photo of a buyers dog named Ritzy wearing our small personalized dog hat and matching tutu. Isn't she adorable?
I did not have a lot of time for my art either but I did get to make this piece for the May Floral's and Praise for his Glory Challenge on Instagram
Since I didn't have time to make anything else new I decided this was the perfect time to finish this piece I started from the February Floral's and Praise for his Glory Challenge. 

That's it for now. Hope to be back with the June recap soon. 

Sunday, May 31, 2020

April Recap

Happy Sunday.  I had hoped to get this blog post up sooner but things fell apart with my mom again, more on that next month. As I write this the sun is shining and it feels like summer. We are still continuing to find a new normal because of the virus but at least we can enjoy the weather though.
Hello April
The month started off with mom having another infection in her Lympth nodes where the dental work was done. Because of the virus we could not go back to the oral surgeon but thankfully he was willing to prescribing more antibiotics. He said we would just have to try and keep the infections under control until we could see him again. We had a virtual appointment with her Rheumetologist and  I told him what was going on. She had not seen him since she had the dental surgery. He suggested that we do an MRI on her Jaw to see if there is infection in the bone. When she was in the hospital in Feb they never did one?? They only looked at her brain. Uggg!!! I think getting another MRI of her Jaw is a good idea but can't take her for one of those right now either. He also suggested that we stop her Xeljanz while on the antibiotic this time and see if that helps it work any better but it didn't. He said he could drain the fluid from her elbow but we wanted her to wait a little longer before taking her in because they would not let anyone in with her and we still were not sure how safe it was.  
In the meantime I was still trying to get my dads properties listed for sale but kept running into more problems. 

Emilia's 22nd birthday was on the 2nd. Unfortunately it snowed that day and we were not able to have the family over for dinner like we usually do because of the virus but we were still able to make the day special for her. I ordered her cake from a small bakery here in town so was able to support small business in the process. After we picked up the cake we went to get her birthday drink at Starbucks drive thru then over to see mom and give her a cupcake. After that we dropped by my sister's and niece so they could give her their present in the driveway. The rest of the afternoon was pretty quiet, We ordered Olive garden for dinner and it was really good. We ended by face timing my sister and niece so we could all sing her happy birthday. Overall I think it turned out to be a really good day for her even with the Quarantine and one we will never forget.

We celebrated Indie's Gotcha Birthday on the 7th. I made the crown and she got a pupachino. Emilia bought her a new harness, collar and squeeky ball. As you can see she looked very happy.
Emilia and I took a virtual cooking class on how to make French Macaroons from The Seasoned Chef Cooking School here in Denver.  Not only did we help support small business it also gave us something to do during the quarantine. It was a lot of work but was really happy with how they turned out. We have been wanting to learn how to make them for awhile and can now say we know how. They are yummy too

I was still trying to figure out how a way to get my Etsy sales back when I had a buyer request a high chair banner with a quarantine theme and came up with this set. It tuned out to be a best seller!

Another good thing about the quarantine was all the online options for group meetings. I was able to attend a few grief support meetings. One of them was a better fit than the other. I also attended an Alzheimer support group meeting but it more for spouses than adult children with parents that had it. My creative Adventure also started something new called Living Colors which includes 4 monthly scripture based coloring pages and prayer journals. April's theme was hope. Shelley and her husband CJ also did weekly Zoom calls for guided coloring and prayer. I really enjoyed that and it helped bring me a sense of peace and calm during this difficult time. This page was my favorite because “Most days I feel like I keep throwing water out of my boat and am trying not to sink just to stay a float” which perfectly described how I was feeling too. This verse also helps to anchor me.
Finally I was able to create this piece for the Florals and Praise for his glory challenge on Instagram. This verse could not have come at a better time. I got over 1000 likes on this piece. I an not sure how that happened. I have never had that many but it was nice to know people like it so much.
That's all for now. I hope your last day of May is a good one, I hope to be back sooner next month with more to share then.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

March Recap

Happy Saturday. The sun is shining and we have lots of signs of spring here. Hope the weather is good where you are.

March started out with me looking for more help for my mom. I had a big list of places to call but most of them turned out to be a dead end. She also continued to have problems with her mouth and lymph nodes. The infection was gone at the beginning of the month but came back again shortly after that so we had to do another round of antibiotics. She just can't seem to go more than 10-14 days off of it. The oral surgeon was worried about the infection being in her bone and said that she may have to go on IV antibiotics to get rid of it if these don't work but can't do that unless he biopsy's it which didn't make any sense. She had IV antibiotics years ago when she had a bone infection in her foot and they never had to biopsy it before they did that then. He said he was also worried about more bone coming out of the tooth with the ostonecrosis. We were suppose to go back in April for a recheck but that didn't happen. She continued to do physical therapy through the end of the month with home health care and that was going well. I also talked to a social worker there that I really liked.  We also had a major problem with one of my dads properties a line broke under the toilet in one of the houses and caused a huge mess and expense. My sister and I agreed it was time to sell them after that. The first thing I had to do was get a financial POA for my mom. I had a really hard time finding one that would have both my sister and I on it as co powers of attorney but finally figured out a way to do it on my own and was lucky to find a notary in the neighborhood that would do it for free. Things in my life were already hard enough but  it was about to change in an even bigger way. Around March 8th the whole world started to fall apart because of COVID-19 by the middle of the month we had orders to stay at home and social distance ourselves from others. I was already pretty use to be home most of the time but the thing I was most worried about was my mom. I could not let this stop me from helping her. I still continued to go over to her house everyday  We could not just leave her alone. Emilia's Esthetician business was shut down by the state and Rich started working from home. At least he still had a job to do. My business took a major loss because nobody could have birthday parties. Paper products and cleaning supplies were very hard to find. My Instacart orders were taking days not hours to be delivered. Emilia tried to work for them but gave up after a few orders. It was not worth the risk. I also tried to find a therapist again. I found out my Insurance company would pay for 3 free sessions after numerous calls to get the right information. The first person I met with was definitely not the right fit. Her approach was to not talk about the past? I know we can't change the past but I still think we need to find ways to work through it if it is upsetting us. I did not agree with her approach so continued to look for someone else that would be a better fit.
Spring arrived with snow and a blizzard warning. Not what I wanted to be dealing with on top of everything else the only thing keeping me sane was the daily walks Emilia and I were taking. I created this piece digitally on my Ipad pro using procreate. I followed a tutorial from Ellen Cremini on Youtube
My birthday was on the 25th. We had to find creative ways to celebrate since most everything was closed. Thankfully Emilia came up with some great ideas and it turned out to be a pretty good one. The day started with Rich giving me a surprise gift. A silver bear bracelet and matching necklace, Emilia gave him the idea but he picked it out himself and I really liked them. Emilia also gave me a beautiful necklace with Sophie and Lily's photo on it. She said this way I can always have them close to my heart. It was such a thoughtful gift and I will treasure it always.
After that she surprised me with an online art lesson from a local art teacher. I am having the lesson today. We went on a ride in the car after that with the dogs to pick up some tulips and my favorite vegan coconut tarts. We were able to support small business in the process which made me feel good. I was also able to join in on a Zoom meeting at the church I have been talking about for awhile while we were driving and it made me feel good to hear from other people locally and what they are going through. I was not sure if the pastor would remember me but she said she did. I still don't understand why she didn't reach out again after my dad passed but I guess I just have to let that go. The meeting talked about how prayer and faith play a role in this and it brought me some comfort. Thankfully my mom was okay and no major problems that was a gift in itself even it was just for 1 day. My sister had to remind her it was my birthday that morning but when I went to see her she remembered when I walked in. My sister and niece also gave me flowers and a gift card to Lands End. Overall it was a good day which is all I really wanted and one I will always remember. 
Even though Sales in My Etsy shop were terrible. I did get this great photo from a buyer showing how well the ducky party hat I made for her son looked with the rest of her party decor which made me happy.
I also made this piece for the March Floral's and Praise for His Glory Challenge. This verse came at the perfect time. Especially with everything that was going on.
On a happier note one day while we were visiting my mom Emilia took this picture of Zoey. She was sitting on the chair but because she is so small all you see are her eyes. They are always so expressive. I think she was eyeing the crackers. Silly puppy. She brings us a lot of joy which is much needed during this difficult time.
That's all for now. I hope you are staying safe and well where you are and are finding ways to get through this new way of life right now. I will be back next month with more to share then.

Saturday, March 28, 2020

February Recap

Happy Saturday. It snowed last night but at least it is melting quickly and the sun is shining here today. I hope you are doing okay where you are. I never thought something like this would happen in the world then again with all the other bad things that have happened to me in the last year I guess I should not be surprised. I was really hoping that 2020 would be a better year so far that has not happened though.
Hello February.
Mom had the dental work done I mentioned in my last update on Feb 12th. The nurse came back to get me when she was done and said everything went fine. They didn’t have to use general which was great. I asked if she needed an antibiotic and she said no. They said she could take Advil and Tylenol for pain and to use Perodex and Salt water rinses. She had some stitches but said they would dissolve on their own and we made a follow up appointment for a week later. They said he would call later that night to check on her which he did and things were okay.  She continued to do okay for 3 days after that. On Sunday Feb 16th I called to check in on her as usual. She didn’t answer so I had my sister call and she answered she was still sleeping though which was odd because it was after 11. She called me back and said she had a headache I asked if she took something for it and she said was going to. I asked her if she needed me to come over she said no. I went over a little while later to check on her anyways and I could see she was not doing well. I asked if her mouth was okay and she said it was so I assumed it was still a migraine but it was on the same side as where the dental work was done so I was concerned. She said it was okay for me to go so I left I had a bad feeling though. I Called to check on her again around 4 she said she had taken a shower ate and took her pills but still had a headache. I asked if she needed me to come back over again and she said no and would call me if she did. I didn’t hear from her so I assumed she was okay. My sister called me at 9 saying she didn’t answer the phone I knew something was wrong. My brother in law raced over and found her on the bedroom floor covered in poop and it was everywhere. She must have been lying there passed out for a long time. He had gotten her to the toilet but she could not stand on her own. I tried to clean her up, but it was really hard because it was dried on. The carpet was a mess it looked like a crime scene. I don't know where that came from, she was not having any stomach issues that I knew of before that. She refused to go the hospital, so we got her to the living room with the walker, but she was still very unstable. I called her new health care provider because they are 24/7 and they told me to call an ambulance to come and check her out. She still could not walk on her own she started to fall over when they stood her up. They convinced her to go the hospital, so they took her there and we followed. I sat there for over 4 hours with her. She still said she had a headache while we there and she was even more confused than usual and not remembering much about what happened. They did a CT, Blood and EKG all were normal except for a little inflammation in her Jaw on the side where the headache was and where she had the dental work done. I was still worried it had something to do with the dental work and mentioned it many times but they kept saying she didn't have an infection. They finally decided to admit her around 4 am. I was thankful for that, but they did it on observation status again at that point I didn’t care though so I left to go get some sleep. The next day they did a MRI and Echo on her. I finally heard from a doctor in the afternoon she said they couldn’t really find anything. Once again I talked to her about the dental work but she still said she didn’t have an infection. I got up there later that night and she was still in horrible pain. You could also see how swollen and red she was on the side of her face where the dental work was done. She was begging for pain meds again and could still hardly walk on her own so she was a fall risk. She was also still very confused even more than usual. I stayed with her until she calmed down and fell asleep. She made it through the night okay. The next morning they did and EEG then called me to say she could go home. They wanted her to go to inpatient rehab but she refused. I finally decided to call the oral surgeon myself because nobody else did. I told them what was going on and they said they would call them. I waited to hear something. I got a call from her nurse saying to come get her. I asked if she had talked to the oral surgeon and she said no. I told her to call them. She got back to me shortly after that and said they told her to just watch for swelling. She was already swollen! At that point I just went and got her and brought her home. She was still in terrible pain. Thankfully she made it through the night but was still not doing well. She saw her regular doctor the next day and they still said she didn’t have an infection she even looked in her mouth and said it looked fine. She was still in terrible pain though. I took her for a follow up with the oral surgeon the next day. He looked in her mouth and immediately said she had a massive infection! He then turned to me and said I told them the hospital to put her on an antibiotic??? I was livid. I didn’t know who to believe at that point. My main concern was to get her on the antibiotic asap. Turns out the antibiotic he gave her was not strong enough though so we had to increase the dose. It took almost 2 weeks to get the infection under control. We did get a nurse, PT and OT from Home Health but it still was not enough so I started looking for more help for her. Once again I kept hitting more walls and was no closer to finding it than I was for him before. I felt like I was going down the same rabbit hole again. More about that journey next month.

I made this piece in honor of Valentines Day before everything went so wrong with my mom. Who doesn't like a cute llama?  Inspiration came from Pinterest. I did mine on my Ipad Pro.
Rich also surprised Emilia and I with flowers. Sunflowers for me and a Purple bouquet flowers for her. They were so big I had a hard time getting a photo of them.

Sales in our Etsy shop were starting to slow down again. I did get this great photo from a buyer of her dog wearing one of my boy dog party hats though. Isn't he handsome?

Finally I was able to create this piece for the February Florals and Praise for his Glory Challenge on Instagram. Inspiration came from Amy Latta. The flower was a challenge but I still like how it came out and that verse was definitely comforting for what I have been going through.

That's it for now I am going to try to be back sooner next month with more to share then. In the meantime I hope you stay safe where you are and we all can get our lives back to normal soon.

Thursday, February 27, 2020

January 2020 Recap

Happy Thursday. Hope your February has been a good one. Mine has not. More about that next month though. I was hoping to post this January recap a few weeks ago but things with my mom took a turn for the worse so I was delayed in finishing it until now. Better late then never though right?
After a dry and mild January winter came back with a vengeance. Lots of snow and cold. I am so over it. I just want spring to be here or at least warmer drier weather again.
I made this piece to welcome in the new year and new decade. Inspiration came from Ellen Crimi Trent on Youtube

January started out with more health problems with my mom. Her left hand swelled up on New Years Eve again. She ended up calling her rheumetologist without telling us. They wanted her to take a steroid dose pack but that would not work because she gets to confused when it comes to taking pills so my sister just upped her regular dose. It helped a little but I still had Dispatch Health come and look at it on the 2nd they seemed to think it was an RA flare so we went to the rheumetologist the next morning but it was pretty much a waste of time. He was able to re x-ray her elbow and it looked like she re-broke it somehow. It didn't look like that before. They suggested I take her back to the orthopedist again but we decided to see the other doctor this time since she refused to see the one we saw before. They could not get her in for at least a week though. We ended up seeing the new guy Monday Jan 13th. He was better than the other one, He said that something happened, and the elbow didn’t heal right. I have a feeling she fell on it again and doesn’t remember doing it because it didn’t look that way until a few weeks ago. He recommended for her to live with it like this even though she will have limited range of motion because the risks of the surgery to fix it outweigh the benefits so it was pretty much another big waste of time like I thought it would be. I just pray she does not fall on it again. One problem solved then another one started. 
She had been having a lot of infections in her lymph nodes since last summer. The lymph nodes swell up under her jaw one side then the next. We have been treating it with antibiotics which help but not for long. Her primary had already sent us to 2 ENT’s neither were of much help then wanted her to go to an infectious disease specialist. My mother did not want to go and I was not in favor of that either we already know she has an autoimmune disease RA which is most likely the cause I seriously doubt it is something infectious besides that. I didn't understand why she just couldn't call them for consult. There was nothing for them to see at that point. We also found out in December she has a broken tooth on the right side of her face and was suppose have it taken out on the 22nd by her regular dentist. That could be what was causing all this. The only way to really know is to have the tooth taken out but we couldn't do that until we got the infection cleared up again. She had only been off the last round of antibiotics for about 10 days. She called begging me to take her to the ER shortly after which I refused because I knew they would not do anything for her then she got very angry with me and hung up. I was pretty sure it was because of the infection. My sister got her to take some pain meds and she made it  through the night. We called her primary the following morning to get more antibiotics but her doctor is not in on Mondays and the guy covering for her would only give her enough for 3 days. That was not enough to keep the infection under control until we could get the tooth pulled though. I ended up putting a call in for her doctor myself after that to call me so I could tell her what was going on because I knew she would not be happy she was on antibiotics again. I am not happy about it either but we can’t not do anything and we have to get the infection under control before the tooth is pulled. I was really dreading the call but never got a call like I asked for. I called again and left another message to have her call me again. I heard from her assistant about an hour later saying she can’t keep taking antibiotics I knew she was going to say that and tried to explain the situation. The assistant said she would tell the doctor and one of them would get back to me. I heard from her assistant again a few hours later and she said the doctor would give her the rest of the antibiotic this time but after that no more??? How can she just stop prescribing antibiotics for someone that is immunosuppressed and has an active infection? She said she needs to see a specialist again, but like I have said before they have no answers for us either so don’t know why she keeps pushing her off to them. I also don’t understand why she could not call me herself. She has always done so in the past. It feels like this is her way of not wanting to deal with my mother anymore and that is sad. My mother was her patient for over 20 years! I decided we were done with her and signed her up for Bloom Healthcare which is what we used for dad before we did Hospice. They come to her and are on call 24/7. It is really sad that it had to end like this. It seems to me that a lot of doctors just want to get rid of the elderly and not do anything to help them anymore. It should not be like that I know our senior citizens can be hard to deal with sometimes, but they still deserve care. Once again, I don’t understand why this has to be so complicated.

Took mom to the dentist on the 22nd to have her tooth pulled but that did not go as planned. Turns out there was a bigger problem than they originally thought something about a fractured root and signs of osteonecrosis? He could not get it out so he decided that he wanted her to see an oral surgeon to do the work instead  but they couldn't get her in until the next week. Bloom Healthcare never showed up that Tuesday like they were suppose to. When I had not heard from them by 11 I called to see what was going on. They said they were not coming which made no sense. They said they could send someone out on Thursday though. I just hoped they showed up this time. We only had enough antibiotic left to last until the following Sunday. I was really worried that this tooth thing was going turn into a huge problem. They wanted to sedate her and that is not a good idea. She already has enough problems with her memory without sedation. I had no idea how I would even get her out of there after that. She also does not heal well. I planned on telling the guy all this but had not idea how much he was going to listen. She also does not have dental insurance or money to pay out of pocket. It was $100.00 just to have a consultation. I don’t know how we even got here. We still don’t know what is causing all the infections in the lymph nodes either. 
Took mom to the oral surgeon on the 30th at 8:30 in the morning which was a terrible time. I am not a morning person. I didn't have a choice though.  He said he could get it out without having to use general which was great. I told him her history. He agreed that going to an infectious disease specialist was a waste of time. It was going to cost $850.00 to get the tooth out though $250 was for the consultation and x ray so we had to see if she could qualify for Care Credit to pay for it. 6 months same as cash, we didn't know if she would qualify though. She was scheduled to have the work done on the 12th of Feb.  I prayed it would go well the last thing we needed was more problems. We also found out her primary was quitting at least I made the right decision to be done with her. My sister is still not doing well either. Her iron is so low she had to have an iron infusion from all the bleeding.  She is still not able to get off the oxygen or the Heprin she was on for the blood clots and now they think there is something wrong with her heart. Not good either. Now I have 2 more people to worry about.  

I turned off the free shipping in our Etsy Shop Jan 1st and our sales came back. We are still down a lot from where we were last January but at least it was better than December. I got this great photo of a buyers daughter wearing my Alice in Wonderland hat for her 1/2 birthday. Isn't she adorable?

I was so sadden to see the devastation from the fires in Australia especially the loss of all the animals including my favorite the #koala. I wanted to do something to help so when I saw that @blackchalkco on Instagram was donating all the proceeds from her class on how to watercolor the animals I was in. She has raised over $15,000 now which is wonderful and not only was my money put to good use I also learned how to watercolor a koala. 

Finally The Floral's and Praise for His Glory Challenge had taken a few months off so I went back to verse from last January that I have been wanting to do for awhile. 

Inspiration for the wreath came from Archer and Olive. I am still struggling to have faith in all this but found comfort in creating this piece. I hope you enjoy it too.

That's all for now I hope the rest of you month is good and I hope to be back soon with my February recap.

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

December Recap

Happy Wednesday. I was hoping to post this sooner but things continue to be hard with my mom now. I hope your Christmas and New Years Eve was good. I am happy the holidays are over and we are back to some normalcy. January is always kind of a blah month but at least the weather has been pretty good here Sunny and in the high 40's and 50's. Hope it sticks around for awhile.

Hello December
I learned how to do this piece from Irina Trzaskos Skillshare Class Watercolor Winter Wreaths. I did mine digitally on my Ipad Pro.

December started off with taking mom to the orthopedist for her broken elbow. He said it was already healing but wanted her to wear a brace to protect it but it was huge and cumbersome and very difficult to get on an off. She also would never be able to do it on her own with her memory issues. I asked them if they had anything smaller and easier to use but they said no. They got it on her and she wore it out of there but when I got her home she made me take it off and refused to wear it again. I was not going to fight her on it because it was not good.  I just prayed she would be careful with the elbow but that didn't happen. She ended up hitting her arm on the sink the next morning it didn't seem to be a big problem though. About a week later it filled up with fluid on the other side. I sent a photo to the ortho doc and he thought is was bursitis and could drain it but not for a week. She already had an eye doctor appointment that day but I made the appointment anyways. We ended up canceling it and going to the eye doctor because it was better by then and she didn't want to go back to him. Turns out the eye doctor was another fiasco. I took her to my sisters eye doctor instead of her regular one because she has a problem with her retina and this guy could check that too. The other doctor use to send her out to someone else for that so I thought I was saving myself an extra appointment but it didn't go well. This guy was able to look at her retina and said he didn't really see a problem with it instead he was all ready to do cataract surgery. I was not expecting that. The other guy never said she needed that done. I think he was just money hungry and put a stop to it. That is the last thing she needs right now with everything else going on. They also charged a copay to see him and she said she had never paid that with the other doctor, They also wanted her to come back for another test on a different day saying Medicare would not pay for it during that appointment I told them to call and schedule that but I have not plans to do so.  She did need a new prescription for glasses though so we will try that first and then get a second opinion if needed. On top of that that building was not handicap accessible it had no elevator. I have no idea how that is even possible.  The next day she called me saying there was a problem with her tooth and she needed to go to the dentist. At first they didn't have any appointments but then called and said they did so I ended up taking her there. Turns out she has a broken tooth and needs to have it removed but they only have one guy there that takes out teeth so we had to wait until the middle of Jan. We put her back on antibiotics in the meantime. On Christmas Eve she said her hand was starting to swell up so I ended up calling Dispatch Health They were going to come over on Christmas Day but when I saw it it didn't look that bad and more like an arthritis flare. The swelling went down overnight so she told them not to come. We made it through Christmas but New Years Day her hand swelled up again. More about what happened after that next month.
In the meantime I was still looking for the helpers. I lettered this phrase from Mr Rogers on my Ipad.
I had a few sessions with the grief counselor from the Hospice. I didn't get anything out of them though. They ended up being a big waste of time because I did all the talking and all she did was just validate that everything that happened was so wrong which I already knew. The therapist also brought me a resource guide for more support but it was dated 2015 and when I went to call some of the places they no longer existed which just made me more upset. On top of that I got a sympathy card in the mail from them 5 weeks after he passed. I don't know why they even bothered at that point all it did was just bring back all the bad memories again. I ended up putting a post out in my Neighborhood group called Nextdoor offering to start a support group for others that are going through care giving or grief and I got 3 people to come. It was nice to talk to others that could really relate in person. I am hoping next month more people will attend.
Sales in our Etsy shop were terrible. December is usually one of our busiest months with our Winter Onederland theme. Not only is my Etsy shop my main source of income it is also a form of therapy for me so not having much work to do and not much money coming in to pay bills just made things even harder. I did get this appreciation photo from a buyer of her dog Izzy wearing one of my girl dog hats. Isn't she a cutie?  She reminds me of my Lily a little.

I made the piece below to welcome in Winter even thought I hate the cold and snow. Sometimes I can still see the beauty in it though. I learned how to create this piece in Zanenna Nabell's Skillshare class Delicate Winter Landscapes With Watercolors.  I did mine digitally on my Ipad Pro in Procreate.

Hanukkah started a few days before Christmas this year so we were able to celebrate them both together on Christmas. We had our traditional Chicken Soup and Chili Dinner. I made these 2 pieces in honor of the holidays.
I used One of On The Marks Designs New Folksy Florals Christmas Template for the tree. Inspiration for Happy Hanukkah came from Pinterest.
Overall 2019 was a really bad year. First with Lily then with my parents. The only good thing was Zoey in between but everything was so hard.
The one thing that help get me through it was my art though. These were my most liked pieces from Instagram. Many of them are my favorites too.

That's all for now. Hoping 2020 will be a much better year. Will be back next month with more to share then.

Friday, December 20, 2019

October/November Recap

I was in the process of writing my October recap blog post when things with my dad started to take a turn for the worse. I never got it done because he passed on Nov 20th  2 days before his 85th birthday and I have not felt like finishing it until now. I am going to combine October and Nov together.
It's hard to believe it is already November. The holidays will be here before we know it at this rate. We got our first major snow last month. It felt more like January than October. Last year we didn't get any show until December. Thankfully it didn't last too long and have been back in the high 50's the last few days.
Hello October This piece was made on my Ipad Pro using Procreate. Inspiration came from The Postman's Knock.
Things with my parents continued to be challenging. Hospice was providing a nurse twice a week and a CNA 3 times. It was still a lot to handle for my mom on her own though and was not going well. Her 75th birthday was on October 8th. Emilia took her swimming something she use to love to do but had not done since the accident. They planned on going around 10 but she was not ready. They finally got there but it turned out they changed ownership and raised the price of the guest pass. Emilia had only brought enough to cover the old amount so they were not going to let her in. She called me and asked if I could call in a credit card. They said no but could use the one my mom had on file when she joined. Thankfully it still worked. She was finally able to swim but did not want to stay long. She didn't want to do anything else. Emilia and I went back over later that night and took her some of her favorite candy and made her dinner. She seemed happy with that but I wish we could have done something funner to celebrate but that was not happening this year. Things with them both continued to be a challenge. He was eating so much we could not keep up with the grocery bills. He also convinced his hair guy to take him to the store so he could buy more food. I had refused to take him anywhere because of the catheter and because he was still a fall risk. He drove the guy so crazy with all his demands he stopped answering his calls after that.  She was getting more angry with him by the day and started taking it out on him physically and mentally. He was not easy to deal with though. The social worker had suggested we try Respite to give her a break but she refused. I think he would have gone if she had not stopped it. I had her working with the Wiser Mind to help with her memory and it was going well but 24 hours of them being together day after day was definitely not working. At the end of the month she had also fallen off the bed somehow on to her arm. When I asked if she wanted to go get it checked out she said no so I let it go. I was really worried that she would get so angry at him she would push him and he would fall again but there was nothing else I could do to keep that from happening they still refused any extra help that I tried to find them.

Things in our Etsy shop continued to be slow. We did get this great photo from a return buyer of her adorable dog Theo and his brother Oscar. She has bought a hat and matching bowtie for Theo since he was 1 and comes back every year. Wish I had more customers like that.

I was only able to create a couple of art pieces this one I used 1 of the Folksy Florals Template from On The Mark Design. I love how it came out and look forward to doing more.

I also made this piece for the Florals and Praise for His Glory Challenge. I was still struggling with my faith and trying to find answers but this verse stood out to me though.

We ended up getting a big snow storm and cold the end of the month. Was not happy about that but unfortunately we can't control the weather.

Hello November

I made this piece on my Ipad Pro using Procreate and follwed Karin Ipadletterings YouTube tutorial.

This part is very long but it is everything that happened. I understand if you don't want to read it all just skip to the end. I am sharing all this here as documentation for myself and the chance it might help someone else not feel so alone. 
The month started with the social worker we had quitting so we got a new one. She was worthless. When I told her what was going on her best suggestion was to drug my mom! Who says that? Needless to say I did not want anything else to do with her after that.  The nurse that took care of him twice a week was still being helpful. I liked her a lot but my mom was not happy with her. Turns out that catheter came out one night. When I called to check on them they never mentioned it. I found out from the nurse who had thankfully gone over that day for a regular visit. He was not going to put it back in but thankfully she convinced him to do it. I guess my mom was yelling at him over it and the nurse told her they were done arguing about it well that made my mom not like her anymore which was ridiculous. She had every right to tell her that. She should not have been yelling at him in front of her. Once the Catheter was back in I thought everything would be fine but the next morning I got a call it was leaking and was a Saturday. My mom said she had called for someone to come out but they never came. I called twice after that and still no one. After 7 hours of waiting I called Dispatch Health to come but right after I got done doing all the paperwork someone from Hospice finally showed up. Turns out it was something simple but it never should have taken that long. None of us were happy about it. What if if was a real emergency? Shortly after that I heard from another Hospice that said they could do better. I didn't even know there was another Hospice in Denver. It was good timing because I found out that my parents were considering dropping Hospice all together which would have been a terrible idea then they would have no care for him at all. He was also wanting to go back to his regular doctors but I told him that was not an option mainly because it was to hard to get him there and there was nothing they could do for him anyways. The Kidney doctor who had told us about Hospice in the first place never knew that we decided to use them and was calling to remind him of appointments which just confused him and made things harder for me. The nurse also tried to explain that to him but in the process told him they could cancel Hospice at anytime. I don't know why she would have told them that. I ended up telling them that I found another Hospice that said they could do better and I thought we should meet with them and thankfully they agreed. They came out to meet all of us. They were very nice but didn't seem like they had anything that much better to offer and I didn't really want to start making changes unless we had to. We all agreed to give the Denver Hospice one more chance. His nurse was also suppose to bring a real doctor with her later in the week and he was happy about that. Thankfully that visit went well and they both loved the Doctor. They were concerned that there had been damage done from the catheter though and wanted me to take him back to the urologist. I told her that was not going to happen because of how hard it was to get him there the last time. She said she would talk to the social worker about getting him transportation there it could be a couple of days for an answer though because it was a Friday. I also didn't understand why they even wanted him to go there because he refused surgery and surgery was required to fix this problem. I decided to just let it go for the time being though.  The next day everything would change. Nov 16th he ended up falling again saying that his legs felt weird. My mother called 911 thankfully she told them he was on Hospice so they didn't take him in. It took over an hour for someone from the Hospice to get there again but they finally did. They checked him out and said he was okay then put him in bed. He got through the rest of the night and got up on his own the next morning which was very surprising. My sister said he had called her and sounded okay. Shortly after that he fell again. My mother called and said he was going to the hospital this time and I agreed. When we got there he was not doing well. He was in a lot of pain. He kept saying it was his back. They did an xray and a CAT and could not find anything so we decided to transfer him to inpatient Hospice for a few days to try and get his pain under control. They said the only reason to keep him in the hospital was if he wanted more tests but he said he was DNR again. He could not come home like that he had to go somewhere and be taken care of because it was way too hard on all of us especially my mom. She also was not doing well. I thought she was getting  another lymph node infection. I also had a massive migraine. I told him we were going home and would see him later. He said okay and was watching football when we left. I told the nurses to get him something to eat and they said they would. We took mom home got her some breakfast then left. I had gotten a call from the Hospice in the meantime saying we needed to bring in his meds. I thought that was odd but picked them up when I dropped her off then took them over on our way home but they wouldn't take them because they were not in the bottles from the pharmacy?? I was not happy about that so took them and left. I called my sister to tell her to get the bottles ready for me to take over later. I got home and then waited a bit then called to see if he got there safely. I had to search for the night number then leave a message for someone to call me back. They finally did and said he was okay. I took my migraine meds and went to bed. I woke up and felt better so went over to get mom and went to go see him. When we got there he was eating. He was upset that they had not given him enough to eat though. He looked like he did when he was in Denver Health he could not sit up and kept falling over but he kept eating. He was still in a lot of pain. He asked me to help him get the food on the fork so I helped him with that. Emilia and I also tried to help sit him up better but he was really hard to move. We finally got 2 nurses to help him. The room was nice and there was a big TV which I thought he would like be he was not happy. They had us sign some papers saying he only had 7 days there and then would need to go somewhere else. We told him we were leaving and I thought he said get out of here but we were having a hard time understanding him again but what he really said was I want out of here. I asked him where did he want to go and my mom said home and he said yes which I thought was odd because he usually preferred being in a hospital. I left there thinking where were we going to put him after that but things expectantly took a turn for the worse the next day.  
I got a call around 10 am from a nurse who said he had gotten very agitated and was a danger to himself so they gave him Ativan and Halodol  and had a bad reaction to it. They said he could not take his meds by mouth or speak after that??? I was in shock. I could not believe what I was hearing. The nurse told me not to rush over though they had it under control. I got off the phone and totally lost it. I called my sister to tell her. My mom was with Emilia getting an xray of her arm which she had hurt the week before by slipping off the bed so I could not tell her for awhile. We ended up going to to see him later that afternoon. It was terrible. You could see he was very agitated and it looked like he was trying to talk but couldn't. It was like he was trapped in his own body which was horrible.When my mom talked to him he opened his eyes and seemed responsive to her though. I could not bring myself to touch him. I think he knew I was there though. I was not prepared for that. My mom was handling it much better than I was. She didn't even seem that upset and didn't want to stay with him. I called my sister and told her it was bad and did she want to come see him because I did not think he would make it through the night. She had only seen him a handful of times since this started. She finally decided to come. It really hit her hard. I knew it would. She was able to touch him and tell him it was okay to go which made me feel worse.  I was finally able to talk to the social worker who had never called me like she was suppose to and I totally lost it on her. She seemed to be very compassionate and willing to help after that but since my mother was with me I could only say so much. She was suppose to call the next morning so we could talk more. None of us wanted to stay after that so we left. When I got home things got worse for me though because my husband made me feel guilty for not staying. He does not like my parents at all and I thought that when it came to the end I expected him to not have anything to do with it. Instead he me feel even worse about things though. He thought I was going to stay there with my dad until he died? He did not understand it could be days. There was no way I was staying there that long but at the same time it upset me that he was alone. My husbands father killed himself a few years ago and it was totally unexpected. As hard as that was this was a lot different though . My husband acting like that just made things more confusing for me. I expected to get a call during the night that my dad had passed but he was still alive. It took over an hour the next morning to get a call back just to see how he was. The nurse that finally called said he was agitated again and seemed to be in pain. Not what I wanted to hear. I called my mom and told her and she said she didn't want to go see him. The social worker called after that and we talked for awhile. Things seemed to be going well but then she started saying things like I may just have to walk away to save myself. I can't do that though. I am not that kind of person. She did say that it was okay not to be there all the time with him though and they have people to come and sit with him. That made me feel a little bit better.  I also asked if they could send a Rabbi or Pastor in to say to a prayer. I think that was more for my peace of mind though. I didn't understand why it was ending like that. There was not one to talk us through it.  I did not want him to suffer. I just wanted him to pass peacefully and it to be over. We had already been through so much with him.  I also spent time on the phone trying to find the best place to have him cremated. The only thing he said to my mom was to "burn him up" he never really said anything else and never planned for his death. I finally found a place to cremate him but I should not have had to do that though. My parents should have taken care of that. My mom changed her mind and wanted to go see him so we went. We took the dogs with us this time. When we got to his room it was dark. You could still hear him breathing though. There was someone sitting with him in the corner. She left when she saw us. My mom tried to talk to him and he got agitated again. This time she saw the terror in his eyes too. She didn't want to stay much longer after that.  Indie did really well there she even jumped up on the side of his bed. Zoey didn't like it there at all I had to carry her the whole time. The nurse said he seemed to be calmer and they were giving him Phenobarbital? Not sure why they were giving him that though. We took mom back to our house had lunch and I did her nails to try and get her mind off it. We took her home after that then went home. 
Once again I expected to get a call but he made it another night. I talked to the nurse and she said he was still hanging on. I asked if I could speak to a doctor because I still felt like they did something to cause this. I got a call from the hospice doctor shortly after. He basically said that it was just part of the process and did not feel there was anything done to cause it. I had asked about taking him off the phenobarbital but he said that was not a good idea. I asked if I could speak to a pastor which I had requested a few days before but never got a call. I finally got a call this time. We talked for a while. I was a mess.  he tried to put my mind at ease it is hard to remember all he said but one thing that stood out was he said no 2 deaths are alike like no 2 births are alike and I found some truth in that. He told me it was okay not to be there. I asked him if he could go to him and tell him it was okay to go and to try and take some of the fear away and he said yes. I was still very upset after that so I called another pastor I had met when Emilia and I had gone to blessing of the animals this summer at a nearby church. She was such a warm welcoming presence and told me then that I was not alone and they were there for me if I ever needed anything so I called her. She answered the phone when I called which was very surprising. I told her who I was and she seemed to remember me. I told her what was going on and she offered to go over and see him. I thought that was so nice of her. She said she would call me after she saw him. Minutes after I got off the phone with her I got a call from the hospice nurse saying my dad had passed right after the hospice pastor left the room. That brought me some comfort but I never heard from that pastor again. I wish he would have called me to tell me what happened when he went to him.  I also called the other pastor that was going to go and see him to tell her she didn’t have to go but got a message machine this time so I left a message but never heard back from her either. I just don’t understand why neither of them never followed up. At least he was finally at peace. I just hope I did the right thing. I was torn on if I should go see him one last time or not. That last time I had seen him was agitated and fighting again and I didn’t want that to be the last memory I had of him. My mom and sister did not want to see him. Emilia had a client, so I had to wait until she was done. Rich had called in the meantime and I told him I was trying to decide if I wanted to go and see him one more time or not. He said he could take me if I wanted him to. I just wanted to get it over with so I told him to come. By the time he got here Emilia was done though and she was mad I was going to go without her. I ended up telling him to stay home and went with her instead. I felt bad he had come home for nothing but it was better I didn’t take him, I think it would have been harder for me with him there since he was never supportive from the beginning and I doubt he really wanted to be there. We ended up taking the dogs again. When we got there  volunteers were there to great us. One of them was the same guy that was there the night before and he remembered us. I broke down in front of him. He was so nice and grabbed my hand it felt very comforting. There was another lady with him and she came around the desk and gave me the biggest hug.  She walked us back to the nurses station and it was a different nurse then the one that had called. We told her why we were there and she said she would go and make sure it was okay to see him before we went in. We followed her down to the room and waited outside. She came back pretty quickly and said he looked okay except his mouth was open. I was not really concerned about that through because he looked like that for the last 4 months. I was still hesitant to go in so I just looked from the doorway at first. He  looked like he was sleeping and I was okay with that so I went in further. The nurse started to pull up a chair for me to sit in next to him but I told her I was not getting that close. I still could not bring myself to touch him. I was holding Zoey. Emilia seemed to be fine she had Indie. I was worried it might upset her seeing him like that but she was okay with it. She never really had a relationship with him either before these last few months. The nurse started to leave and close the door and I said please don’t do that. We only stayed for a few minutes that was all I really needed. I think I told him that I hoped he was at peace now and with his family and that I did the right thing then we left. We stopped by the nurses station on the way out said goodbye and that was it. Nobody else came to see us. No social worker or pastor which was very disappointing. The same 2 volunteers were there on our way out and the lady hugged us again. She held Emilia for a really long time, I will never forget those 2 people they were the best memory I have of the whole thing. It was cold and raining when we left. We stopped by to see mom and take her a coffee. She seemed to be okay. We didn’t stay long the weather was getting bad. We offered for her to come back with us but she said no. When we got home Rich came up to greet us he said he was sorry tried to give me a hug and that was pretty much it, I am glad that I went though because at least I felt like he was finally at peace but it never should have happened like that. 
The next day I called the place to start the process for cremation. I had started calling places on the list the social worker gave me a few days before to find out how much they were going to charge. I went with the cheapest place because we really had no other choice.  It took 2 more days to hear back from them again though. 
The following day would have been my dad's 85th birthday but instead he was in a freezer somewhere waiting to be cremated. Nobody that I talked to from the Hospice before he passed reached out except for his nurse when he was at home. She told me that she was very saddened by what happened and she sees this all the time so that made me question things again. I did hear from a different pastor from the Hospice checking to see how I was and I told him how I felt. I felt bad for laying it all on him though. He asked me what I needed and I told him Mr Rogers. I felt really stupid for saying that but if only I could find someone like that. I wondered if they really existed anymore though. He said that he was going to find me someone like that and get back to me. On top of that it was starting to hit my mom. She did have another infection in her lymph nodes so we had a big fight about that. She wanted control of the antibiotics but that was not going to happen. Turns out her elbow was broken too so just one more thing I had to deal with. I got the forms for the cremation and noticed on the forms there was something about donating a body and then there would be no cost involved. I told my mom and sister about that and they said to find out more about it. I called Science care and had to answer a lot of questions then they told em they hae to see him medical records. I asked them why they could not call to get them they said I had to do it which made no sense. I tried all afternoon to get them from the Hospice but they would not answer the phone or call me back. He had already been dead for almost 72 hours and there was a time limit to get the body plus it was a weekend so I pretty much gave up on that happening and had my mom sign the papers for the cremation even though I still didn't know how we were going to pay for it.  
The next day I decided to go see the new Mr. Rogers Movie. I was hoping it would help make me feel better about things but it did the opposite. I ended up crying through most of it because it was really about the person who wrote the Esquire article about him and he had a terrible relationship with his father. His mother also died a horrible painful death. He was still made out to be a person that really cared about people which is something I am still desperately searching for. Rich was sitting right next to me the whole time and never once asked me if I was okay which made me even sadder. 
The following Monday I got all the papers scanned for the cremation and sent them off. I had missed a message from the pastor at the Hospice that had called on Friday. I called him back but had to leave a message. He never called back though. Got an email after that from the lady at the crematory saying she got the paperwork and to call in the credit card,  if she was not there to just use the main line. She also said something about contacting Social Security so I called them. I was not sure if I needed the death certificate to proceed though but called anyways. It was a 35 min wait so left a message for a call back. Got an email from the lady at the crematory after that saying they had already reported his death but decided to talk to them anyways. She also said I would need to go there with mom and the death certificate and marriage license that was the last thing I wanted to do though.  I could not pay for the cremation because Emilia had my credit card. Social Security called in the meantime and told me that they pay a month behind so there should be no problem using the money already in his account. They also told me that she would get his Social Security within 30 days automatically and I did not need to take her in which was good news. Emilia had gone to the pharmacy and to take my mom the rest of the food we made her. When she got home I called to pay but they were not there. I tried the other line but got disconnected. Right after that I got a call from Science Care saying they never heard from Hospice. I called them back and talked to a new person this time. I told her what happened on Friday and had given up on that happening, but she said she would call and get back to me and not to pay yet. I heard from hear a little while later and she said she got the records and they could still proceed.  don't understand why they didn't do that the first time, Good thing I had not paid. She started asking me a lot of questions. Then told me that she needed to talk to mom. I said something about her having mild dementia and she then told me we were on a recorded line and that was a problem? I never knew I was being recorded in the first place and was only telling the truth. I had no idea that would be a problem. She started getting nasty with me but then calmed down after I told her she made her own decisions. She went ahead and got the paperwork started. I had to go and get mom to sign it though because we were running out of time. We raced to get there before the blizzard but the snow had already started. I had to have her sign it electronically which was basically just pressing a button. I could have done that myself! I was not sure if had done it right so I called but she had left. Mom wanted us to go home before it got bad so we left. When I got home I was able t talk to someone and they talked me through the rest so I must have done it right. I don’t know why this had to be so complicated but once again I blame Hospice. Right after that I got a call from them they were returning my call from earlier asking about support. I was told it usually takes a month for them to reach out. That is crazy. The person that called was very nice but said they didn’t even have anything that week? Told me to call her again next week to see what they have. Good thing I am not suicidal. I told her all the things they did wrong and she agreed it was not right said she would pass my complaint on. Then she told me to write down her cell number and call her next week. I don’t understand why they don’t have more counselors available. Makes no sense. 
Woke up to  a huge snowstorm the next day and an email that the donation of his body was accepted. I just hope we did the right thing. There is no going back now though. If only he had planned for this on his own so we knew what he really wanted.  
Thanksgiving came a few days later it was the first one without him so I knew it would be hard. I was dreading it because it was the one holiday we celebrated with him. Rich never even asked me how I was feeling that day which was very hurtful. He really never said much of anything to me at all. It was like a dark cloud was looming again and the day was already hard enough. He came upstairs to watch Home for the Holidays like we do every year but when I went over to watch a little bit with him and tried making conversation he just ignored me so I went back to working. When the movie was over he went back down to his office and stayed there the rest of the day. I asked him to move his car when my mom and sister got here because it was really icy out from the storm and I didn’t want them to have to walk very far. At least he did that and thankfully they got into the house okay. He still had not told my mom and sister he was sorry about my dad and was hoping it would do it that day but he never said a word. That really upset me. What kind of person does that especially your own husband? His mother at least had the courtesy to do that even if it was very cold and not very heartfelt at least she tried. I basically did everything myself with Emilia and my nieces help.  He offered to help a few times but I didn’t really want his help after that. He ended up sitting in my dads spot which turned out to be okay since they were/are a lot alike. Thankfully he did not cause any problems and it was not to uncomfortable. He seemed to be trying to interact a bit which was good but strange at the same time. Overall it turned out better than I thought it would but is was still weird that my dad was not there. 
The next day I got a call from another social worker at the Hospice calling to see how I was which was very surprising. I told her I was very disappointed in how things were handled since his death and had been reaching out for help but not getting any. She seemed very concerned about it and said that should not have happened. She gave me a crisis number to call if I needed someone to talk to. Someone should have given me that from the beginning. I also told her that I was suppose to call to set up an appointment next week with the grief counselor. She said she would be available if I needed someone to talk to before then which I appreciated. 
I just don't understand why all this had to happen. I never expected him to die this way or for it to be so hard to find people to help us through this.  I know that death is never easy but this was the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through and am really struggling to make sense of it all. Even though my father is gone I still have my mother to take care of and I do not want it to end the same way. 
I had made this piece about a week before everything took a turn for the worse. This is how I felt and sill continue to feel. Inspiration came from Amy Latta's Book book Handlettering for Laughter Gorgeous Art With A Hilarious Twist. 
I had also been working on this piece during the month. I finally finished it after my dad passed and added this verse from Mark 12:30 from the Nov Florals and Praise for His glory challenge. I am still struggling with Faith right now and trying to make sense of all of this. I have reached out to numerous places for support and still have not found the help I am desperately searching for which is really sad. I will get into that more next month. Until then I hope you enjoy the holidays and the rest of this year will end happily for all of you.