Saturday, March 28, 2020

February Recap

Happy Saturday. It snowed last night but at least it is melting quickly and the sun is shining here today. I hope you are doing okay where you are. I never thought something like this would happen in the world then again with all the other bad things that have happened to me in the last year I guess I should not be surprised. I was really hoping that 2020 would be a better year so far that has not happened though.
Hello February.
Mom had the dental work done I mentioned in my last update on Feb 12th. The nurse came back to get me when she was done and said everything went fine. They didn’t have to use general which was great. I asked if she needed an antibiotic and she said no. They said she could take Advil and Tylenol for pain and to use Perodex and Salt water rinses. She had some stitches but said they would dissolve on their own and we made a follow up appointment for a week later. They said he would call later that night to check on her which he did and things were okay.  She continued to do okay for 3 days after that. On Sunday Feb 16th I called to check in on her as usual. She didn’t answer so I had my sister call and she answered she was still sleeping though which was odd because it was after 11. She called me back and said she had a headache I asked if she took something for it and she said was going to. I asked her if she needed me to come over she said no. I went over a little while later to check on her anyways and I could see she was not doing well. I asked if her mouth was okay and she said it was so I assumed it was still a migraine but it was on the same side as where the dental work was done so I was concerned. She said it was okay for me to go so I left I had a bad feeling though. I Called to check on her again around 4 she said she had taken a shower ate and took her pills but still had a headache. I asked if she needed me to come back over again and she said no and would call me if she did. I didn’t hear from her so I assumed she was okay. My sister called me at 9 saying she didn’t answer the phone I knew something was wrong. My brother in law raced over and found her on the bedroom floor covered in poop and it was everywhere. She must have been lying there passed out for a long time. He had gotten her to the toilet but she could not stand on her own. I tried to clean her up, but it was really hard because it was dried on. The carpet was a mess it looked like a crime scene. I don't know where that came from, she was not having any stomach issues that I knew of before that. She refused to go the hospital, so we got her to the living room with the walker, but she was still very unstable. I called her new health care provider because they are 24/7 and they told me to call an ambulance to come and check her out. She still could not walk on her own she started to fall over when they stood her up. They convinced her to go the hospital, so they took her there and we followed. I sat there for over 4 hours with her. She still said she had a headache while we there and she was even more confused than usual and not remembering much about what happened. They did a CT, Blood and EKG all were normal except for a little inflammation in her Jaw on the side where the headache was and where she had the dental work done. I was still worried it had something to do with the dental work and mentioned it many times but they kept saying she didn't have an infection. They finally decided to admit her around 4 am. I was thankful for that, but they did it on observation status again at that point I didn’t care though so I left to go get some sleep. The next day they did a MRI and Echo on her. I finally heard from a doctor in the afternoon she said they couldn’t really find anything. Once again I talked to her about the dental work but she still said she didn’t have an infection. I got up there later that night and she was still in horrible pain. You could also see how swollen and red she was on the side of her face where the dental work was done. She was begging for pain meds again and could still hardly walk on her own so she was a fall risk. She was also still very confused even more than usual. I stayed with her until she calmed down and fell asleep. She made it through the night okay. The next morning they did and EEG then called me to say she could go home. They wanted her to go to inpatient rehab but she refused. I finally decided to call the oral surgeon myself because nobody else did. I told them what was going on and they said they would call them. I waited to hear something. I got a call from her nurse saying to come get her. I asked if she had talked to the oral surgeon and she said no. I told her to call them. She got back to me shortly after that and said they told her to just watch for swelling. She was already swollen! At that point I just went and got her and brought her home. She was still in terrible pain. Thankfully she made it through the night but was still not doing well. She saw her regular doctor the next day and they still said she didn’t have an infection she even looked in her mouth and said it looked fine. She was still in terrible pain though. I took her for a follow up with the oral surgeon the next day. He looked in her mouth and immediately said she had a massive infection! He then turned to me and said I told them the hospital to put her on an antibiotic??? I was livid. I didn’t know who to believe at that point. My main concern was to get her on the antibiotic asap. Turns out the antibiotic he gave her was not strong enough though so we had to increase the dose. It took almost 2 weeks to get the infection under control. We did get a nurse, PT and OT from Home Health but it still was not enough so I started looking for more help for her. Once again I kept hitting more walls and was no closer to finding it than I was for him before. I felt like I was going down the same rabbit hole again. More about that journey next month.

I made this piece in honor of Valentines Day before everything went so wrong with my mom. Who doesn't like a cute llama?  Inspiration came from Pinterest. I did mine on my Ipad Pro.
Rich also surprised Emilia and I with flowers. Sunflowers for me and a Purple bouquet flowers for her. They were so big I had a hard time getting a photo of them.

Sales in our Etsy shop were starting to slow down again. I did get this great photo from a buyer of her dog wearing one of my boy dog party hats though. Isn't he handsome?

Finally I was able to create this piece for the February Florals and Praise for his Glory Challenge on Instagram. Inspiration came from Amy Latta. The flower was a challenge but I still like how it came out and that verse was definitely comforting for what I have been going through.

That's it for now I am going to try to be back sooner next month with more to share then. In the meantime I hope you stay safe where you are and we all can get our lives back to normal soon.

Thursday, February 27, 2020

January 2020 Recap

Happy Thursday. Hope your February has been a good one. Mine has not. More about that next month though. I was hoping to post this January recap a few weeks ago but things with my mom took a turn for the worse so I was delayed in finishing it until now. Better late then never though right?
After a dry and mild January winter came back with a vengeance. Lots of snow and cold. I am so over it. I just want spring to be here or at least warmer drier weather again.
I made this piece to welcome in the new year and new decade. Inspiration came from Ellen Crimi Trent on Youtube

January started out with more health problems with my mom. Her left hand swelled up on New Years Eve again. She ended up calling her rheumetologist without telling us. They wanted her to take a steroid dose pack but that would not work because she gets to confused when it comes to taking pills so my sister just upped her regular dose. It helped a little but I still had Dispatch Health come and look at it on the 2nd they seemed to think it was an RA flare so we went to the rheumetologist the next morning but it was pretty much a waste of time. He was able to re x-ray her elbow and it looked like she re-broke it somehow. It didn't look like that before. They suggested I take her back to the orthopedist again but we decided to see the other doctor this time since she refused to see the one we saw before. They could not get her in for at least a week though. We ended up seeing the new guy Monday Jan 13th. He was better than the other one, He said that something happened, and the elbow didn’t heal right. I have a feeling she fell on it again and doesn’t remember doing it because it didn’t look that way until a few weeks ago. He recommended for her to live with it like this even though she will have limited range of motion because the risks of the surgery to fix it outweigh the benefits so it was pretty much another big waste of time like I thought it would be. I just pray she does not fall on it again. One problem solved then another one started. 
She had been having a lot of infections in her lymph nodes since last summer. The lymph nodes swell up under her jaw one side then the next. We have been treating it with antibiotics which help but not for long. Her primary had already sent us to 2 ENT’s neither were of much help then wanted her to go to an infectious disease specialist. My mother did not want to go and I was not in favor of that either we already know she has an autoimmune disease RA which is most likely the cause I seriously doubt it is something infectious besides that. I didn't understand why she just couldn't call them for consult. There was nothing for them to see at that point. We also found out in December she has a broken tooth on the right side of her face and was suppose have it taken out on the 22nd by her regular dentist. That could be what was causing all this. The only way to really know is to have the tooth taken out but we couldn't do that until we got the infection cleared up again. She had only been off the last round of antibiotics for about 10 days. She called begging me to take her to the ER shortly after which I refused because I knew they would not do anything for her then she got very angry with me and hung up. I was pretty sure it was because of the infection. My sister got her to take some pain meds and she made it  through the night. We called her primary the following morning to get more antibiotics but her doctor is not in on Mondays and the guy covering for her would only give her enough for 3 days. That was not enough to keep the infection under control until we could get the tooth pulled though. I ended up putting a call in for her doctor myself after that to call me so I could tell her what was going on because I knew she would not be happy she was on antibiotics again. I am not happy about it either but we can’t not do anything and we have to get the infection under control before the tooth is pulled. I was really dreading the call but never got a call like I asked for. I called again and left another message to have her call me again. I heard from her assistant about an hour later saying she can’t keep taking antibiotics I knew she was going to say that and tried to explain the situation. The assistant said she would tell the doctor and one of them would get back to me. I heard from her assistant again a few hours later and she said the doctor would give her the rest of the antibiotic this time but after that no more??? How can she just stop prescribing antibiotics for someone that is immunosuppressed and has an active infection? She said she needs to see a specialist again, but like I have said before they have no answers for us either so don’t know why she keeps pushing her off to them. I also don’t understand why she could not call me herself. She has always done so in the past. It feels like this is her way of not wanting to deal with my mother anymore and that is sad. My mother was her patient for over 20 years! I decided we were done with her and signed her up for Bloom Healthcare which is what we used for dad before we did Hospice. They come to her and are on call 24/7. It is really sad that it had to end like this. It seems to me that a lot of doctors just want to get rid of the elderly and not do anything to help them anymore. It should not be like that I know our senior citizens can be hard to deal with sometimes, but they still deserve care. Once again, I don’t understand why this has to be so complicated.

Took mom to the dentist on the 22nd to have her tooth pulled but that did not go as planned. Turns out there was a bigger problem than they originally thought something about a fractured root and signs of osteonecrosis? He could not get it out so he decided that he wanted her to see an oral surgeon to do the work instead  but they couldn't get her in until the next week. Bloom Healthcare never showed up that Tuesday like they were suppose to. When I had not heard from them by 11 I called to see what was going on. They said they were not coming which made no sense. They said they could send someone out on Thursday though. I just hoped they showed up this time. We only had enough antibiotic left to last until the following Sunday. I was really worried that this tooth thing was going turn into a huge problem. They wanted to sedate her and that is not a good idea. She already has enough problems with her memory without sedation. I had no idea how I would even get her out of there after that. She also does not heal well. I planned on telling the guy all this but had not idea how much he was going to listen. She also does not have dental insurance or money to pay out of pocket. It was $100.00 just to have a consultation. I don’t know how we even got here. We still don’t know what is causing all the infections in the lymph nodes either. 
Took mom to the oral surgeon on the 30th at 8:30 in the morning which was a terrible time. I am not a morning person. I didn't have a choice though.  He said he could get it out without having to use general which was great. I told him her history. He agreed that going to an infectious disease specialist was a waste of time. It was going to cost $850.00 to get the tooth out though $250 was for the consultation and x ray so we had to see if she could qualify for Care Credit to pay for it. 6 months same as cash, we didn't know if she would qualify though. She was scheduled to have the work done on the 12th of Feb.  I prayed it would go well the last thing we needed was more problems. We also found out her primary was quitting at least I made the right decision to be done with her. My sister is still not doing well either. Her iron is so low she had to have an iron infusion from all the bleeding.  She is still not able to get off the oxygen or the Heprin she was on for the blood clots and now they think there is something wrong with her heart. Not good either. Now I have 2 more people to worry about.  

I turned off the free shipping in our Etsy Shop Jan 1st and our sales came back. We are still down a lot from where we were last January but at least it was better than December. I got this great photo of a buyers daughter wearing my Alice in Wonderland hat for her 1/2 birthday. Isn't she adorable?

I was so sadden to see the devastation from the fires in Australia especially the loss of all the animals including my favorite the #koala. I wanted to do something to help so when I saw that @blackchalkco on Instagram was donating all the proceeds from her class on how to watercolor the animals I was in. She has raised over $15,000 now which is wonderful and not only was my money put to good use I also learned how to watercolor a koala. 

Finally The Floral's and Praise for His Glory Challenge had taken a few months off so I went back to verse from last January that I have been wanting to do for awhile. 

Inspiration for the wreath came from Archer and Olive. I am still struggling to have faith in all this but found comfort in creating this piece. I hope you enjoy it too.

That's all for now I hope the rest of you month is good and I hope to be back soon with my February recap.

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

December Recap

Happy Wednesday. I was hoping to post this sooner but things continue to be hard with my mom now. I hope your Christmas and New Years Eve was good. I am happy the holidays are over and we are back to some normalcy. January is always kind of a blah month but at least the weather has been pretty good here Sunny and in the high 40's and 50's. Hope it sticks around for awhile.

Hello December
I learned how to do this piece from Irina Trzaskos Skillshare Class Watercolor Winter Wreaths. I did mine digitally on my Ipad Pro.

December started off with taking mom to the orthopedist for her broken elbow. He said it was already healing but wanted her to wear a brace to protect it but it was huge and cumbersome and very difficult to get on an off. She also would never be able to do it on her own with her memory issues. I asked them if they had anything smaller and easier to use but they said no. They got it on her and she wore it out of there but when I got her home she made me take it off and refused to wear it again. I was not going to fight her on it because it was not good.  I just prayed she would be careful with the elbow but that didn't happen. She ended up hitting her arm on the sink the next morning it didn't seem to be a big problem though. About a week later it filled up with fluid on the other side. I sent a photo to the ortho doc and he thought is was bursitis and could drain it but not for a week. She already had an eye doctor appointment that day but I made the appointment anyways. We ended up canceling it and going to the eye doctor because it was better by then and she didn't want to go back to him. Turns out the eye doctor was another fiasco. I took her to my sisters eye doctor instead of her regular one because she has a problem with her retina and this guy could check that too. The other doctor use to send her out to someone else for that so I thought I was saving myself an extra appointment but it didn't go well. This guy was able to look at her retina and said he didn't really see a problem with it instead he was all ready to do cataract surgery. I was not expecting that. The other guy never said she needed that done. I think he was just money hungry and put a stop to it. That is the last thing she needs right now with everything else going on. They also charged a copay to see him and she said she had never paid that with the other doctor, They also wanted her to come back for another test on a different day saying Medicare would not pay for it during that appointment I told them to call and schedule that but I have not plans to do so.  She did need a new prescription for glasses though so we will try that first and then get a second opinion if needed. On top of that that building was not handicap accessible it had no elevator. I have no idea how that is even possible.  The next day she called me saying there was a problem with her tooth and she needed to go to the dentist. At first they didn't have any appointments but then called and said they did so I ended up taking her there. Turns out she has a broken tooth and needs to have it removed but they only have one guy there that takes out teeth so we had to wait until the middle of Jan. We put her back on antibiotics in the meantime. On Christmas Eve she said her hand was starting to swell up so I ended up calling Dispatch Health They were going to come over on Christmas Day but when I saw it it didn't look that bad and more like an arthritis flare. The swelling went down overnight so she told them not to come. We made it through Christmas but New Years Day her hand swelled up again. More about what happened after that next month.
In the meantime I was still looking for the helpers. I lettered this phrase from Mr Rogers on my Ipad.
I had a few sessions with the grief counselor from the Hospice. I didn't get anything out of them though. They ended up being a big waste of time because I did all the talking and all she did was just validate that everything that happened was so wrong which I already knew. The therapist also brought me a resource guide for more support but it was dated 2015 and when I went to call some of the places they no longer existed which just made me more upset. On top of that I got a sympathy card in the mail from them 5 weeks after he passed. I don't know why they even bothered at that point all it did was just bring back all the bad memories again. I ended up putting a post out in my Neighborhood group called Nextdoor offering to start a support group for others that are going through care giving or grief and I got 3 people to come. It was nice to talk to others that could really relate in person. I am hoping next month more people will attend.
Sales in our Etsy shop were terrible. December is usually one of our busiest months with our Winter Onederland theme. Not only is my Etsy shop my main source of income it is also a form of therapy for me so not having much work to do and not much money coming in to pay bills just made things even harder. I did get this appreciation photo from a buyer of her dog Izzy wearing one of my girl dog hats. Isn't she a cutie?  She reminds me of my Lily a little.

I made the piece below to welcome in Winter even thought I hate the cold and snow. Sometimes I can still see the beauty in it though. I learned how to create this piece in Zanenna Nabell's Skillshare class Delicate Winter Landscapes With Watercolors.  I did mine digitally on my Ipad Pro in Procreate.

Hanukkah started a few days before Christmas this year so we were able to celebrate them both together on Christmas. We had our traditional Chicken Soup and Chili Dinner. I made these 2 pieces in honor of the holidays.
I used One of On The Marks Designs New Folksy Florals Christmas Template for the tree. Inspiration for Happy Hanukkah came from Pinterest.
Overall 2019 was a really bad year. First with Lily then with my parents. The only good thing was Zoey in between but everything was so hard.
The one thing that help get me through it was my art though. These were my most liked pieces from Instagram. Many of them are my favorites too.

That's all for now. Hoping 2020 will be a much better year. Will be back next month with more to share then.

Friday, December 20, 2019

October/November Recap

I was in the process of writing my October recap blog post when things with my dad started to take a turn for the worse. I never got it done because he passed on Nov 20th  2 days before his 85th birthday and I have not felt like finishing it until now. I am going to combine October and Nov together.
It's hard to believe it is already November. The holidays will be here before we know it at this rate. We got our first major snow last month. It felt more like January than October. Last year we didn't get any show until December. Thankfully it didn't last too long and have been back in the high 50's the last few days.
Hello October This piece was made on my Ipad Pro using Procreate. Inspiration came from The Postman's Knock.
Things with my parents continued to be challenging. Hospice was providing a nurse twice a week and a CNA 3 times. It was still a lot to handle for my mom on her own though and was not going well. Her 75th birthday was on October 8th. Emilia took her swimming something she use to love to do but had not done since the accident. They planned on going around 10 but she was not ready. They finally got there but it turned out they changed ownership and raised the price of the guest pass. Emilia had only brought enough to cover the old amount so they were not going to let her in. She called me and asked if I could call in a credit card. They said no but could use the one my mom had on file when she joined. Thankfully it still worked. She was finally able to swim but did not want to stay long. She didn't want to do anything else. Emilia and I went back over later that night and took her some of her favorite candy and made her dinner. She seemed happy with that but I wish we could have done something funner to celebrate but that was not happening this year. Things with them both continued to be a challenge. He was eating so much we could not keep up with the grocery bills. He also convinced his hair guy to take him to the store so he could buy more food. I had refused to take him anywhere because of the catheter and because he was still a fall risk. He drove the guy so crazy with all his demands he stopped answering his calls after that.  She was getting more angry with him by the day and started taking it out on him physically and mentally. He was not easy to deal with though. The social worker had suggested we try Respite to give her a break but she refused. I think he would have gone if she had not stopped it. I had her working with the Wiser Mind to help with her memory and it was going well but 24 hours of them being together day after day was definitely not working. At the end of the month she had also fallen off the bed somehow on to her arm. When I asked if she wanted to go get it checked out she said no so I let it go. I was really worried that she would get so angry at him she would push him and he would fall again but there was nothing else I could do to keep that from happening they still refused any extra help that I tried to find them.

Things in our Etsy shop continued to be slow. We did get this great photo from a return buyer of her adorable dog Theo and his brother Oscar. She has bought a hat and matching bowtie for Theo since he was 1 and comes back every year. Wish I had more customers like that.

I was only able to create a couple of art pieces this one I used 1 of the Folksy Florals Template from On The Mark Design. I love how it came out and look forward to doing more.

I also made this piece for the Florals and Praise for His Glory Challenge. I was still struggling with my faith and trying to find answers but this verse stood out to me though.

We ended up getting a big snow storm and cold the end of the month. Was not happy about that but unfortunately we can't control the weather.

Hello November

I made this piece on my Ipad Pro using Procreate and follwed Karin Ipadletterings YouTube tutorial.

This part is very long but it is everything that happened. I understand if you don't want to read it all just skip to the end. I am sharing all this here as documentation for myself and the chance it might help someone else not feel so alone. 
The month started with the social worker we had quitting so we got a new one. She was worthless. When I told her what was going on her best suggestion was to drug my mom! Who says that? Needless to say I did not want anything else to do with her after that.  The nurse that took care of him twice a week was still being helpful. I liked her a lot but my mom was not happy with her. Turns out that catheter came out one night. When I called to check on them they never mentioned it. I found out from the nurse who had thankfully gone over that day for a regular visit. He was not going to put it back in but thankfully she convinced him to do it. I guess my mom was yelling at him over it and the nurse told her they were done arguing about it well that made my mom not like her anymore which was ridiculous. She had every right to tell her that. She should not have been yelling at him in front of her. Once the Catheter was back in I thought everything would be fine but the next morning I got a call it was leaking and was a Saturday. My mom said she had called for someone to come out but they never came. I called twice after that and still no one. After 7 hours of waiting I called Dispatch Health to come but right after I got done doing all the paperwork someone from Hospice finally showed up. Turns out it was something simple but it never should have taken that long. None of us were happy about it. What if if was a real emergency? Shortly after that I heard from another Hospice that said they could do better. I didn't even know there was another Hospice in Denver. It was good timing because I found out that my parents were considering dropping Hospice all together which would have been a terrible idea then they would have no care for him at all. He was also wanting to go back to his regular doctors but I told him that was not an option mainly because it was to hard to get him there and there was nothing they could do for him anyways. The Kidney doctor who had told us about Hospice in the first place never knew that we decided to use them and was calling to remind him of appointments which just confused him and made things harder for me. The nurse also tried to explain that to him but in the process told him they could cancel Hospice at anytime. I don't know why she would have told them that. I ended up telling them that I found another Hospice that said they could do better and I thought we should meet with them and thankfully they agreed. They came out to meet all of us. They were very nice but didn't seem like they had anything that much better to offer and I didn't really want to start making changes unless we had to. We all agreed to give the Denver Hospice one more chance. His nurse was also suppose to bring a real doctor with her later in the week and he was happy about that. Thankfully that visit went well and they both loved the Doctor. They were concerned that there had been damage done from the catheter though and wanted me to take him back to the urologist. I told her that was not going to happen because of how hard it was to get him there the last time. She said she would talk to the social worker about getting him transportation there it could be a couple of days for an answer though because it was a Friday. I also didn't understand why they even wanted him to go there because he refused surgery and surgery was required to fix this problem. I decided to just let it go for the time being though.  The next day everything would change. Nov 16th he ended up falling again saying that his legs felt weird. My mother called 911 thankfully she told them he was on Hospice so they didn't take him in. It took over an hour for someone from the Hospice to get there again but they finally did. They checked him out and said he was okay then put him in bed. He got through the rest of the night and got up on his own the next morning which was very surprising. My sister said he had called her and sounded okay. Shortly after that he fell again. My mother called and said he was going to the hospital this time and I agreed. When we got there he was not doing well. He was in a lot of pain. He kept saying it was his back. They did an xray and a CAT and could not find anything so we decided to transfer him to inpatient Hospice for a few days to try and get his pain under control. They said the only reason to keep him in the hospital was if he wanted more tests but he said he was DNR again. He could not come home like that he had to go somewhere and be taken care of because it was way too hard on all of us especially my mom. She also was not doing well. I thought she was getting  another lymph node infection. I also had a massive migraine. I told him we were going home and would see him later. He said okay and was watching football when we left. I told the nurses to get him something to eat and they said they would. We took mom home got her some breakfast then left. I had gotten a call from the Hospice in the meantime saying we needed to bring in his meds. I thought that was odd but picked them up when I dropped her off then took them over on our way home but they wouldn't take them because they were not in the bottles from the pharmacy?? I was not happy about that so took them and left. I called my sister to tell her to get the bottles ready for me to take over later. I got home and then waited a bit then called to see if he got there safely. I had to search for the night number then leave a message for someone to call me back. They finally did and said he was okay. I took my migraine meds and went to bed. I woke up and felt better so went over to get mom and went to go see him. When we got there he was eating. He was upset that they had not given him enough to eat though. He looked like he did when he was in Denver Health he could not sit up and kept falling over but he kept eating. He was still in a lot of pain. He asked me to help him get the food on the fork so I helped him with that. Emilia and I also tried to help sit him up better but he was really hard to move. We finally got 2 nurses to help him. The room was nice and there was a big TV which I thought he would like be he was not happy. They had us sign some papers saying he only had 7 days there and then would need to go somewhere else. We told him we were leaving and I thought he said get out of here but we were having a hard time understanding him again but what he really said was I want out of here. I asked him where did he want to go and my mom said home and he said yes which I thought was odd because he usually preferred being in a hospital. I left there thinking where were we going to put him after that but things expectantly took a turn for the worse the next day.  
I got a call around 10 am from a nurse who said he had gotten very agitated and was a danger to himself so they gave him Ativan and Halodol  and had a bad reaction to it. They said he could not take his meds by mouth or speak after that??? I was in shock. I could not believe what I was hearing. The nurse told me not to rush over though they had it under control. I got off the phone and totally lost it. I called my sister to tell her. My mom was with Emilia getting an xray of her arm which she had hurt the week before by slipping off the bed so I could not tell her for awhile. We ended up going to to see him later that afternoon. It was terrible. You could see he was very agitated and it looked like he was trying to talk but couldn't. It was like he was trapped in his own body which was horrible.When my mom talked to him he opened his eyes and seemed responsive to her though. I could not bring myself to touch him. I think he knew I was there though. I was not prepared for that. My mom was handling it much better than I was. She didn't even seem that upset and didn't want to stay with him. I called my sister and told her it was bad and did she want to come see him because I did not think he would make it through the night. She had only seen him a handful of times since this started. She finally decided to come. It really hit her hard. I knew it would. She was able to touch him and tell him it was okay to go which made me feel worse.  I was finally able to talk to the social worker who had never called me like she was suppose to and I totally lost it on her. She seemed to be very compassionate and willing to help after that but since my mother was with me I could only say so much. She was suppose to call the next morning so we could talk more. None of us wanted to stay after that so we left. When I got home things got worse for me though because my husband made me feel guilty for not staying. He does not like my parents at all and I thought that when it came to the end I expected him to not have anything to do with it. Instead he me feel even worse about things though. He thought I was going to stay there with my dad until he died? He did not understand it could be days. There was no way I was staying there that long but at the same time it upset me that he was alone. My husbands father killed himself a few years ago and it was totally unexpected. As hard as that was this was a lot different though . My husband acting like that just made things more confusing for me. I expected to get a call during the night that my dad had passed but he was still alive. It took over an hour the next morning to get a call back just to see how he was. The nurse that finally called said he was agitated again and seemed to be in pain. Not what I wanted to hear. I called my mom and told her and she said she didn't want to go see him. The social worker called after that and we talked for awhile. Things seemed to be going well but then she started saying things like I may just have to walk away to save myself. I can't do that though. I am not that kind of person. She did say that it was okay not to be there all the time with him though and they have people to come and sit with him. That made me feel a little bit better.  I also asked if they could send a Rabbi or Pastor in to say to a prayer. I think that was more for my peace of mind though. I didn't understand why it was ending like that. There was not one to talk us through it.  I did not want him to suffer. I just wanted him to pass peacefully and it to be over. We had already been through so much with him.  I also spent time on the phone trying to find the best place to have him cremated. The only thing he said to my mom was to "burn him up" he never really said anything else and never planned for his death. I finally found a place to cremate him but I should not have had to do that though. My parents should have taken care of that. My mom changed her mind and wanted to go see him so we went. We took the dogs with us this time. When we got to his room it was dark. You could still hear him breathing though. There was someone sitting with him in the corner. She left when she saw us. My mom tried to talk to him and he got agitated again. This time she saw the terror in his eyes too. She didn't want to stay much longer after that.  Indie did really well there she even jumped up on the side of his bed. Zoey didn't like it there at all I had to carry her the whole time. The nurse said he seemed to be calmer and they were giving him Phenobarbital? Not sure why they were giving him that though. We took mom back to our house had lunch and I did her nails to try and get her mind off it. We took her home after that then went home. 
Once again I expected to get a call but he made it another night. I talked to the nurse and she said he was still hanging on. I asked if I could speak to a doctor because I still felt like they did something to cause this. I got a call from the hospice doctor shortly after. He basically said that it was just part of the process and did not feel there was anything done to cause it. I had asked about taking him off the phenobarbital but he said that was not a good idea. I asked if I could speak to a pastor which I had requested a few days before but never got a call. I finally got a call this time. We talked for a while. I was a mess.  he tried to put my mind at ease it is hard to remember all he said but one thing that stood out was he said no 2 deaths are alike like no 2 births are alike and I found some truth in that. He told me it was okay not to be there. I asked him if he could go to him and tell him it was okay to go and to try and take some of the fear away and he said yes. I was still very upset after that so I called another pastor I had met when Emilia and I had gone to blessing of the animals this summer at a nearby church. She was such a warm welcoming presence and told me then that I was not alone and they were there for me if I ever needed anything so I called her. She answered the phone when I called which was very surprising. I told her who I was and she seemed to remember me. I told her what was going on and she offered to go over and see him. I thought that was so nice of her. She said she would call me after she saw him. Minutes after I got off the phone with her I got a call from the hospice nurse saying my dad had passed right after the hospice pastor left the room. That brought me some comfort but I never heard from that pastor again. I wish he would have called me to tell me what happened when he went to him.  I also called the other pastor that was going to go and see him to tell her she didn’t have to go but got a message machine this time so I left a message but never heard back from her either. I just don’t understand why neither of them never followed up. At least he was finally at peace. I just hope I did the right thing. I was torn on if I should go see him one last time or not. That last time I had seen him was agitated and fighting again and I didn’t want that to be the last memory I had of him. My mom and sister did not want to see him. Emilia had a client, so I had to wait until she was done. Rich had called in the meantime and I told him I was trying to decide if I wanted to go and see him one more time or not. He said he could take me if I wanted him to. I just wanted to get it over with so I told him to come. By the time he got here Emilia was done though and she was mad I was going to go without her. I ended up telling him to stay home and went with her instead. I felt bad he had come home for nothing but it was better I didn’t take him, I think it would have been harder for me with him there since he was never supportive from the beginning and I doubt he really wanted to be there. We ended up taking the dogs again. When we got there  volunteers were there to great us. One of them was the same guy that was there the night before and he remembered us. I broke down in front of him. He was so nice and grabbed my hand it felt very comforting. There was another lady with him and she came around the desk and gave me the biggest hug.  She walked us back to the nurses station and it was a different nurse then the one that had called. We told her why we were there and she said she would go and make sure it was okay to see him before we went in. We followed her down to the room and waited outside. She came back pretty quickly and said he looked okay except his mouth was open. I was not really concerned about that through because he looked like that for the last 4 months. I was still hesitant to go in so I just looked from the doorway at first. He  looked like he was sleeping and I was okay with that so I went in further. The nurse started to pull up a chair for me to sit in next to him but I told her I was not getting that close. I still could not bring myself to touch him. I was holding Zoey. Emilia seemed to be fine she had Indie. I was worried it might upset her seeing him like that but she was okay with it. She never really had a relationship with him either before these last few months. The nurse started to leave and close the door and I said please don’t do that. We only stayed for a few minutes that was all I really needed. I think I told him that I hoped he was at peace now and with his family and that I did the right thing then we left. We stopped by the nurses station on the way out said goodbye and that was it. Nobody else came to see us. No social worker or pastor which was very disappointing. The same 2 volunteers were there on our way out and the lady hugged us again. She held Emilia for a really long time, I will never forget those 2 people they were the best memory I have of the whole thing. It was cold and raining when we left. We stopped by to see mom and take her a coffee. She seemed to be okay. We didn’t stay long the weather was getting bad. We offered for her to come back with us but she said no. When we got home Rich came up to greet us he said he was sorry tried to give me a hug and that was pretty much it, I am glad that I went though because at least I felt like he was finally at peace but it never should have happened like that. 
The next day I called the place to start the process for cremation. I had started calling places on the list the social worker gave me a few days before to find out how much they were going to charge. I went with the cheapest place because we really had no other choice.  It took 2 more days to hear back from them again though. 
The following day would have been my dad's 85th birthday but instead he was in a freezer somewhere waiting to be cremated. Nobody that I talked to from the Hospice before he passed reached out except for his nurse when he was at home. She told me that she was very saddened by what happened and she sees this all the time so that made me question things again. I did hear from a different pastor from the Hospice checking to see how I was and I told him how I felt. I felt bad for laying it all on him though. He asked me what I needed and I told him Mr Rogers. I felt really stupid for saying that but if only I could find someone like that. I wondered if they really existed anymore though. He said that he was going to find me someone like that and get back to me. On top of that it was starting to hit my mom. She did have another infection in her lymph nodes so we had a big fight about that. She wanted control of the antibiotics but that was not going to happen. Turns out her elbow was broken too so just one more thing I had to deal with. I got the forms for the cremation and noticed on the forms there was something about donating a body and then there would be no cost involved. I told my mom and sister about that and they said to find out more about it. I called Science care and had to answer a lot of questions then they told em they hae to see him medical records. I asked them why they could not call to get them they said I had to do it which made no sense. I tried all afternoon to get them from the Hospice but they would not answer the phone or call me back. He had already been dead for almost 72 hours and there was a time limit to get the body plus it was a weekend so I pretty much gave up on that happening and had my mom sign the papers for the cremation even though I still didn't know how we were going to pay for it.  
The next day I decided to go see the new Mr. Rogers Movie. I was hoping it would help make me feel better about things but it did the opposite. I ended up crying through most of it because it was really about the person who wrote the Esquire article about him and he had a terrible relationship with his father. His mother also died a horrible painful death. He was still made out to be a person that really cared about people which is something I am still desperately searching for. Rich was sitting right next to me the whole time and never once asked me if I was okay which made me even sadder. 
The following Monday I got all the papers scanned for the cremation and sent them off. I had missed a message from the pastor at the Hospice that had called on Friday. I called him back but had to leave a message. He never called back though. Got an email after that from the lady at the crematory saying she got the paperwork and to call in the credit card,  if she was not there to just use the main line. She also said something about contacting Social Security so I called them. I was not sure if I needed the death certificate to proceed though but called anyways. It was a 35 min wait so left a message for a call back. Got an email from the lady at the crematory after that saying they had already reported his death but decided to talk to them anyways. She also said I would need to go there with mom and the death certificate and marriage license that was the last thing I wanted to do though.  I could not pay for the cremation because Emilia had my credit card. Social Security called in the meantime and told me that they pay a month behind so there should be no problem using the money already in his account. They also told me that she would get his Social Security within 30 days automatically and I did not need to take her in which was good news. Emilia had gone to the pharmacy and to take my mom the rest of the food we made her. When she got home I called to pay but they were not there. I tried the other line but got disconnected. Right after that I got a call from Science Care saying they never heard from Hospice. I called them back and talked to a new person this time. I told her what happened on Friday and had given up on that happening, but she said she would call and get back to me and not to pay yet. I heard from hear a little while later and she said she got the records and they could still proceed.  don't understand why they didn't do that the first time, Good thing I had not paid. She started asking me a lot of questions. Then told me that she needed to talk to mom. I said something about her having mild dementia and she then told me we were on a recorded line and that was a problem? I never knew I was being recorded in the first place and was only telling the truth. I had no idea that would be a problem. She started getting nasty with me but then calmed down after I told her she made her own decisions. She went ahead and got the paperwork started. I had to go and get mom to sign it though because we were running out of time. We raced to get there before the blizzard but the snow had already started. I had to have her sign it electronically which was basically just pressing a button. I could have done that myself! I was not sure if had done it right so I called but she had left. Mom wanted us to go home before it got bad so we left. When I got home I was able t talk to someone and they talked me through the rest so I must have done it right. I don’t know why this had to be so complicated but once again I blame Hospice. Right after that I got a call from them they were returning my call from earlier asking about support. I was told it usually takes a month for them to reach out. That is crazy. The person that called was very nice but said they didn’t even have anything that week? Told me to call her again next week to see what they have. Good thing I am not suicidal. I told her all the things they did wrong and she agreed it was not right said she would pass my complaint on. Then she told me to write down her cell number and call her next week. I don’t understand why they don’t have more counselors available. Makes no sense. 
Woke up to  a huge snowstorm the next day and an email that the donation of his body was accepted. I just hope we did the right thing. There is no going back now though. If only he had planned for this on his own so we knew what he really wanted.  
Thanksgiving came a few days later it was the first one without him so I knew it would be hard. I was dreading it because it was the one holiday we celebrated with him. Rich never even asked me how I was feeling that day which was very hurtful. He really never said much of anything to me at all. It was like a dark cloud was looming again and the day was already hard enough. He came upstairs to watch Home for the Holidays like we do every year but when I went over to watch a little bit with him and tried making conversation he just ignored me so I went back to working. When the movie was over he went back down to his office and stayed there the rest of the day. I asked him to move his car when my mom and sister got here because it was really icy out from the storm and I didn’t want them to have to walk very far. At least he did that and thankfully they got into the house okay. He still had not told my mom and sister he was sorry about my dad and was hoping it would do it that day but he never said a word. That really upset me. What kind of person does that especially your own husband? His mother at least had the courtesy to do that even if it was very cold and not very heartfelt at least she tried. I basically did everything myself with Emilia and my nieces help.  He offered to help a few times but I didn’t really want his help after that. He ended up sitting in my dads spot which turned out to be okay since they were/are a lot alike. Thankfully he did not cause any problems and it was not to uncomfortable. He seemed to be trying to interact a bit which was good but strange at the same time. Overall it turned out better than I thought it would but is was still weird that my dad was not there. 
The next day I got a call from another social worker at the Hospice calling to see how I was which was very surprising. I told her I was very disappointed in how things were handled since his death and had been reaching out for help but not getting any. She seemed very concerned about it and said that should not have happened. She gave me a crisis number to call if I needed someone to talk to. Someone should have given me that from the beginning. I also told her that I was suppose to call to set up an appointment next week with the grief counselor. She said she would be available if I needed someone to talk to before then which I appreciated. 
I just don't understand why all this had to happen. I never expected him to die this way or for it to be so hard to find people to help us through this.  I know that death is never easy but this was the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through and am really struggling to make sense of it all. Even though my father is gone I still have my mother to take care of and I do not want it to end the same way. 
I had made this piece about a week before everything took a turn for the worse. This is how I felt and sill continue to feel. Inspiration came from Amy Latta's Book book Handlettering for Laughter Gorgeous Art With A Hilarious Twist. 
I had also been working on this piece during the month. I finally finished it after my dad passed and added this verse from Mark 12:30 from the Nov Florals and Praise for His glory challenge. I am still struggling with Faith right now and trying to make sense of all of this. I have reached out to numerous places for support and still have not found the help I am desperately searching for which is really sad. I will get into that more next month. Until then I hope you enjoy the holidays and the rest of this year will end happily for all of you.

Sunday, October 20, 2019

September Recap

Happy Sunday, It is hard to believe that Halloween is right around the corner. It is definitely feeling like fall around here. We had a surprise snowstorm a few weeks ago. I was not ready for that but thankfully it didn't last long though. Before the snowstorm we had a lot of visits from the painted ladies. They especially loved these orange flowers that magically reappeared from the ones we planted last year. I loved watching them.

I made this piece on my Ipad pro using procreate. Inspiration from Pinterest. 

My dad was released from the rehab/nursing home the first of the month. He went home with home health care set up but it didn't last long. About a week later he was taken to the hospital by ambulance again but with Cdiff this time. After countless hours in the ER they admitted him again they didn't want to keep him long though. I tried to explain to his doctor in the hospital that if they sent him home with that they were putting my mothers life at risk since she is immuo suppressed and her memory is still not good so we could not be sure she would take the right precautions. The doctor he had in the hospital didn't really care though. He was a real ass. I was able to buy him a little more time though because we were going to try and get him into another nursing facility even though he would have had to pay $160.00 a day. We thought it might be worth it until he was not contagious anymore but it would still have to be put on a credit card.  He had just enough credit left to cover it. Unfortunately we could not find any other place to take him so we had no choice but to bring him home. This time we decided to try in home hospice. He is technically not terminal but he was able to qualify because of his stage 4 kidney disease and he does not want any life saving measures. It still does not give us all the care he needs but it was better then home health and there were no other better options. It has been working out pretty well so far but he still has the catheter in and can't get rid of it because he won't have surgery to reduced the size of his prostrate which was found to be the reason he cannot urinate on his own. He has basically been housebound since he came home from the last hospital stay. Neither one of them can drive which makes things harder on us. He has accepted it better than she has but there are still says when she fights it. She was also found to have dementia which is not surprising. She kept saying that she hated her doctor and was going to fire her unless she let her drive again but when she gets to the appointments she acts like everything is fine which drives me crazy. The 2 of them being together 24/7 is a bad combination too. She can get really mean and take it out on him which is not good but at the same time he is not easy to deal with sometimes too. He also will not do much of anything on his own and depends on her for help. I just wish there was a way to get more help for them but this is the best I have found for now. If only money was not an option or Medicare paid for more. It is sad to see their independence taken away but they are not safe to drive or be out on their own. It is still a very stressful situation but I  guess all we can really do is just continue to take things one day a time for now.
There was another round of 30 days of Bible Lettering Challenge in September and Stefan Kutz created premade layouts to help make the process easier. I was really looking forward to it but I was only able to complete 1 piece. I thought this one was fitting for everything I have been going through with my parents. Easier said than done most days though.
Things in our Etsy shop were still not good. Sales have dropped a lot. I have no idea what is going on. In some ways it was good to not be so busy with work because of all the time I needed to help my parents but it is also very stressful not making enough money to pay my bills either. I am praying that things will pick up soon. Not only do we need the money but work helps to keep my mind busy too. We have a buyer who has bought many crowns and hats for her Alaskan Klee Kai's. Aren't they beautiful?

I made this piece to help welcome in Fall. Inspiration came from Pinterest. Done on my Ipad Pro using Procreate.

Finally I made this piece for the Floral's and Praise for his Glory Challenge on Instagram I was only able to get 1 week done. Struggling with my faith right now but this piece stood out to me and I am happy with how it came out.

That's all for now. I will be back next month with more to share then.

Sunday, September 22, 2019

August Recap

Happy Sunday.  It was still feeling like summer here the last few weeks but it finally cooled down this weekend though and is starting to feel more like fall. I am ready for some cooler temperatures but not snow and cold.
My zinnias didn't do as well this year because of all the sunflowers but I was able to get this photo of what was left of them.

Hello August I made this piece on my Ipad Pro using Procreate. Inspiration from Pinterest. Lemonade was definitely needed it was super hot all month.
Things with my parents continued to be a nightmare. My dad ended up under Observation at Denver Health for 11 days which made him not qualify for rehab/skilled nursing care. The doctors kept telling me he didn't have anything "physically wrong with him" but he could not walk on his own, speak clearly and was incontinent. He was not like that before the fall.  I did everything in my power to get them to change him to inpatient so he would qualify but nothing worked. On the 11th day they threatened me to come and get him or they would put him in an ambulance charge him for the ride and take him home. I had no other choice but to go and get him. Thankfully Rich went with me. I tried to video his release but was stopped by security. There was nothing they could really do about it though. It was very difficult just getting him in the house like I knew it would be  and told them numerous times it was not safe to send him home but we got him in. He only lasted 24 hours at home after that though. The hospital claimed they had set up home health for him but his primary care doctor was out of town and had no one covering for him, I have no idea how they didn't know this. Thankfully the home health was nice enough to still send someone out to assess the situation and that was when we discovered he had taken his pills wrong. We had to call an ambulance and have him taken to Rose which is the hospital he usually goes to. They discovered he had a really bad bladder infection and admitted him right this time. The bladder infection was so bad it traveled through his blood stream and he got sepsis. He also had a catheter put in. All this got him another week in the hospital but thankfully this time he was eligible for rehab which is where he belonged in the first place. If Denver Health had done it right he probably would have avoided all this. He had 20 days in rehab and used all of it.  It was going to be $160.00 a day after that which he couldn't afford and he refused to stay there any longer anyways so we had no choice but to bring him home. More about what happened after that next month. On top of all this with my father I was still dealing with my mother and her memory issues. She was also very angry about not being able to drive and us controlling her medication. I have done everything I can to try and help them through this but there is only so much I can do. The system is very broken for people like them, hard to navigate and not much options. I am definitely learning a lot in the process but I should not have had to find out like this. It is a lot for anyone to handle. Some days I was barely hanging on. All I could was just continue to keep taking things one day at a time and pray that things will get better. 

Things in our Etsy shop were terrible. The only good thing about slow sales is that I had time to help with my parents. It was not good for my bank account though. I was able to make a new watermelon ribbon and fabric high chair banner to go with our other watermelon themed items. It is something I had been wanting to add to my shop for awhile and am really happy with how it came out.

I did not have much time for my art but I was able to complete 1 week of the Floral's and Praise for his Glory challenge. The theme was blooming cactus. I also love this verse.
Unfortunately there is not much more to share since I was so busy dealing with my parents. I hope to have more to share next month though.

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

July Recap

Happy Tuesday. Hope you are still enjoying summer where you are. It continues to be hot here with very little rain. The sunflowers have gone crazy though. We only planted them once but each year now they continue to come back and multiply. We have so many this year we call it sunflower forest. We love it though and the birds do to.
Today is also the 12th anniversary of when I started this blog. A lot has happened during that time both good and bad. I don't get to post as much as I planned to when I first started but am happy that I have still been able to keep it going this long even if nobody reads it. I especially like looking back at everything that has happened and hopefully have helped others in some way by sharing my life here too. Today is also my sisters birthday as well.

Hello July
I made this piece on my Ipad Pro using Procreate. Inspiration from Pinterest.

July started out with the journey to find a new dog. Even though it had not been long since Lily's passing I knew there was another dog out there that needed me and I needed it. The journey to find and get that dog was not easy. I was looking everyday without much luck. We met 3 different dogs but all of them had some sort of issue that prevented us from getting them. I was getting very discouraged but finally found her at The Denver Animal Shelter thanks to Tracey Schneider Pliskin  She is the one who helped us find Indie too. Unfortunately the universe was making it hard for me again though. I was all ready to adopt her and bring her home when I found out that Rich had to be there to meet her first. I put a hold on her but they said he only had until 5:30 to get there He was in meetings all afternoon though and was running late so I called to tell them he was on his way and might be a little late. I talked to someone named Bridget who said he could have until 6 to get there. I thought everything was going to be fine but he walked in at 5:33 and they told him he was too late and would not let him see her. They said they had no records saying that the person I spoke to on the phone said he could be late but the person I spoke to on the phone says they did. They even have a name and reference number. I just didn't understand it and was in tears It just was not right. They said I had until 12:30 the next day for him to see her so we just had to wait until then. Thankfully he was able to make it over there in between meetings and see her. He was in the room for less then 5 mins and she was fine with him. They didn't even watch. It was ridiculous but we gave them what they wanted and I was able to adopt her.  I just don't understand why things always have to be so hard but thankfully it worked out in the end. She was the happiness I was looking for and I think Lily sent her to me. I know there will never be another Lily but they do have a lot of similarities. We were also told that she was in the shelter twice prior to this which is very hard to believe. They said she was brought in as a stray the first time and the second time it was because of too much barking. When we got her out of there she didn't bark once. We even took her to Pets mart after we got there and she was quiet the whole time, I think she was just waiting for us. She does bark a bit to much sometimes but nothing we can't handle. Indie loves her too and they get along great. Emilia took this photo of her at the shelter the day we met her. You see how happy she was. When I picked her up she just snuggled her head on my shoulder and I knew she was the one. 
Meet Zoey. We had a hard time coming up with her name but finally decided on Zoey because it means life and she is definitely full of that. I took the video below after we got her home. You can see she fit right in.

Before we left I got a call from the vets office that took care of Lily telling me her remains were ready to be picked up so we went and got them on the way home. It was a really odd feeling to be adopting a new dog and picking those up but I also found some comfort in having her remains back at the same time. I also received this of her paw which I had made at the same time which I love and will cherish forever.
A few days after we got her I made this piece in honor of all dogs. This quote is something Cesar Milan says all the time and I agree,  Dog is Love! I followed a tutorial from Holly Pixels for the Love and flourishes. You can see  here on You tube
 Things in our Etsy shop were okay. We got a custom order from a return buyer for her twins second birthday. The theme was Elmo. We normally don't do copyright characters but did it for this buyer. We love how everything came out. Hope she did too.

I also made this piece for the July Floral's and Praise For His Glory Challenge on Instagram. I was only able to complete one week because of everything going on. I am really happy with how it turned out though. I got the inspiration for the wreath from Crystal Whittens Book.
Emilia and I visited a new farmers market and made this dish with fresh broccoli that we bought there and substituted  gluten free pasta. My favorite brand it Tinkyada  It was really good.

Unfortunately my happiness didn't last long. On July 28th my life would change and not for the better. My father fell on my parents driveway and my mother also fell trying to help him. My father had fallen many times before but this time it really took it out of him. My mother also got a concussion in the process and was already dealing with memory issues so this just made that worse. They were not able to go to their usual hospital because of the head injury and that is where the nightmare began. I thought things were bad when my mother had sepsis and Lily had cancer but this does not even compare. I will share more about it next month. Until then I hope the rest of your summer is a good one and I will be back with more to share then.